32 days to go. 4 Fridays. Christmas weekend, New Years weekend, last weekend in town, then I fly on Tuesday. The 12th. It is coming fast. If it was another time of year it would be a long time. But its Christmas. Christmas to me is simply an obstacle that needs to be managed. I have no children. There is no one here on Christmas morning. Or afternoon. Or evening. It is just a time when everything is closed and people are in a hurry. Or gone somewhere.

Just get through it. My Christmas mantra.

I feel like I am as far away from Morocco as I can get. I’m pale, tired, grumpy and bored. Tired. All the time. At first it seemed like I was just going to pack everything, turn it all around and go back. But its been a bit slower and more tedious than that. I have fallen right back into the place that I was at before I left. So I am very ready to move on from here and get going. Very ready.

Along with the ho-hum of the season, I seem to be in a warning period. I have received a couple of them lately. Things from the universe that pop up with a “proceed with caution” sign.   There are some things that are taking longer than they should, causing enormous stress. A friend who recently said “don’t trust anyone”. Whoa. Ok Eerye. I found out that someone I had been told was a little crazy, actually is. I was told some pretty blatant lies. (That’s always a kicker for me. I really hate to be manipulated. Really. Hate. It.) So the taste in my mouth is still a bit bitter. I have had some friends that have been put in harms way because of recent shootings and that’s not cool. At all.  This world we live in is starting to rattle people very close to me. So I guess that really is just a string of things that I should pay attention to, to remind me to remain vigilant. Don’t be naive. Don’t listen to fools. Don’t underestimate the power of crazy people.

This time there is no safety net.

I see a lot of people looking at me with a bit more concern lately, but that fades quickly to excitement. I am so buoyed by the excitement that other people feel for me. It gives me a lot of strength. So please know that to be true. A lot. Strength. Good. Love. Support. Thank you. And f*^k you to the ones who took me for a fool.

This is still a tremendous plan. I am 100% sure that something is going to happen when I get to Marrakech. I just have no idea what that is. I hope its good. I’m sure that karma, the Committee*, the universe, whatever the plan is, it will be good. I will be ok. I am a strong person and I have not taken on this challenge lightly. I got this.

But then there is Donald Trump. An idiot who is so incredibly ignorant that he chooses to insight hated in masses of very gullible people. The man is dangerous. He needs his weapon taken away. The media need to black that shit out. Someone pay him to stop talking. He is escalating an already very serious security problem to the brink of disaster.

Is it safe for me to go to Morocco in light of our current situation? Things have changed in the world in the month that I have been home. There is a lot going on. I am scared to travel there. I’m worried for the in transit part. And by that I mean, I NEVER get nervous when I travel. But this time I’m a little uncomfortable. Its the longest trip I’ve done on my own for starters. I have to go through London, and stay overnight. I am going solo into a place where I don’t neccessarily speak the language. Not normally something that I would even consider being worried about. I’ve travelled before. I have skills. Right?

But this time IS different. I’m just as worried for my friends here as I am for myself. I’m worried about friends that are traveling now. I worry about friends that work downtown when Toronto gets specifically named as a target. But like the nice people say, “you can’t let the terrorists win”. We have to live our lives. And this is mine.

So off I go. Vigilant. Alert. On my game. I realize I am setting out on a marathon. I’ll be ready for it. Don’t you worry.

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* “The committee” is a reference to my guardian angels. It started with my brother Peter who has kindly watched over me my entire life. Then my brother Billy joined him and they became “the boys”. I always knew the boys would never let anything bad happen to me. Then when mom and dad joined them, it turned into the committee. Now I have 4 guardian angels. Which is a bunch. I should be good…..