The new year has arrived and oddly, I feel differently this year. Ha. Maybe it’s because of my over consumption of bacon. Maybe it’s the bags that are half packed upstairs. Maybe it’s because I don’t have to pay Ontario consumer taxes. Maybe it’s a strong desire to tell 2015 to f*^k off in a more meaningful way.
For me, personally 2015 was fine. Just fine. However, I remember the year starting out like a big sack of shit for a lot of people that I know. It just seemed like the first quarter was awful for so many people and that makes me feel bad. I don’t remember much more about the year except that it seems like we lost of whole lot of people, and that I went to Morocco in October. So maybe not a banner year all they way but not a total loss.
I didn’t have one of those New Years Eve’s that I will look back on forever and remember. Like the many years I spent in Banff, outside at midnight watching fireworks. Or the one I spent with Craig, Lynne and Rob (and Lesley?) in Banff on the coldest night of ever, not drunk at Tommy’s. Or the one where Carolyn woke up at 11:59:45 and said “Happy New Year” and went back to her couch nap. Or the one when Sandra took off to walk the neighbourhood in a “huff”. No, this year was quiet and completely unreflective. It’s not the day I am waiting for this year. I was home by 10pm and the only reason I knew it was midnight was by the sound of fireworks.
In thinking about my “resolutions” for 2016 it occurs to me that I can’t really make any. In the financial department, I will not be a land owner anymore so I know I will be saving $ gazillions in tax, maintenance, heat, paint, and utilities. I don’t own a car so insurance and gas is not a factor anymore. I will be forced into saving and I will be making a new living but I don’t know how yet so that category is a bust of unknown-ness.
From a fitness perspective ….No car equals all walking all the time so there is that. I am moving to land where every minute brings a new set of stairs or some upward climb, so there is that. I am moving to a place where there are not a lot of preservatives and chemicals in the food and where even the street food is a beet and carrot salad fresh from the farm. So there’s that.
That brings me to love. And there you have it. Love is the theme of my year. In so many ways love is central to it all and the only thing there is. Love is the basis for every thought I have these days.
I have 7 days left with my Daisy. She is a little bundle of furry of love. She has given me love and she has provided me a place to store all the love in my heart. She and Jagger supply me with the purest love there is for now and I am soaking it up and storing it for later. I am SO happy Daisy will have a year + full of so much love. Yes from different people and not me. But we will never stop loving each other. Even if we aren’t together. She will always be right in the centre part of my heart that girl. For now, I plan to just love her the best way I can.
The ones I’m leaving behind? We’ve talked about this. I have left a lot of places and I know that some people will fall away and some people will stick. But the people that really love me, and that I really love back, they will always be along for the ride and I’m not sweating a lot of goodbyes. I will miss my immediate friends. I will see them again so soon. I will miss the frequency of my Canmore communication but that’s not entirely because of my travel schedule, so I can live with that.
I am really enjoying the love that is radiated towards me lately. I love that people look at me with fondness and love and good wishes. Whether it’s the last time I will see them this time, or the random hugs I get from the people who aren’t looking forward to goodbye or the comments that people post here or on Facebook. That love is yummy and delicious and I am soaking it in eagerly.
The love I know is coming to a home in Canmore this year is giving me a boatload of relief and peace. I know enough to be patient. I know by now that nothing is done until the lawyers get back from their bi-monthly vacations, summer recess, Christmas break and get back to talking about what they would do if only they had the ability to do anything if there was a possibility that the earth moved slightly to the left and the Judges all sat down for a 5 minute meeting. I know not to hope. But I do this year. I am pretty excited for 2016 and I really think that there will be some wonderful love, discovery, healing, and wholeness that will run throughout this year of love ahead of them.
I can’t wait to discover new love. I am old enough and smart enough to not suffer fools for any longer than I have to. So I know the people that come into my life will be quality or they will be shown the door. I am so looking forward to meeting new people and making new friends. New love. New places to love. New things to love. New people to love. I am so looking forward to opening my heart and finding all sorts of new love. I am also looking forward to connecting with old loves when I need a boost.
So I don’t know what this year will bring, but I know it will be love in all sorts of different packages and vessels. Love. I am so looking forward…..