Where Did THAT Come From?

It has been a great summer. I mean, SO great. After 4 years, with the exception of a few minor regrets, it’s been one for the record books. I think I finally have it down, this transitional living thing.

And then it happened. The night before the BBQ. The stress hit. Out of nowhere I have become extremely stressed. And the funny thing is that it’s all positive. It feels negative because I associate stress with negativity but when I do a quick scan of my “issues” there is nothing negative coming up.

I am feeling happy. I loved my summer. I am healthy. Although I have had a little too much “surprise” dairy lately, but nothing fatal. I have been eating well, seeing my friends and loved ones. I had a delicious dinner with my sister’s family last night. I had some unexpected play time with Doug the Doodle which is always lovely and good for my stress levels. But still, I am sitting in a state of heightened alert, being a little short with my xx for no reason, and I’m experiencing a literal shortness of breath. This needs to change obviously. But I am really fascinated by it at the moment.

I am a little worried about this week coming because:
– I solved some major technical issues in the last 24 hours and this has led to developing a new one. And it’s a big one. I will prevail in the end.

BUT, I have a brand new MacBook, a gorgeous cell phone filled with photos of beautiful people and things, and the mental ability to solve these issues pretty much on my own. HOW LUCKY!

– I have a shit ton of work to do and it’s likely going to be a week of “highest and most immediate priority only.” So that’s stressful.

BUT, I have a ton of work to do because I’m running a successful company, training to begin a new line of work, and helping a loved one with another soon to be successful opportunity. HOW LUCKY!

– I am pretty stressed out by the packing. I have accumulated a mountain of things for myself, my Moroccan family, a new baby, and a few other goodies. It has all fit in (mostly) to the two bags I have allowance for.

BUT, I have the means to purchase beautiful things, to pack in my suitcases and to take 2 bags at 32 kg each because I’m flying business class (on points). I am well stocked for another year and want for absolutely nothing. HOW LUCKY!

– I am feeling a lot of stress because I’m going to Morocco on Wednesday. I’m super excited to be getting back. For the hugs and kisses to come. But it is Africa and its a long way away. I always get a little nervous before venturing out into the wider world. It’s air travel and airports and potential delays and discomfort and mishap. What if I can’t remember any Darija?

BUT, I’m happy to be returning to a busy and action packed fall full of new business, exciting opportunity and great travel. I’m happy to be seeing my Moroccan loved ones soon. I’m going “home” to a place that is familiar to me, where my stuff is and to my own bed. I have two beautiful homes and loads of friends and family across the world. HOW LUCKY!

– I’m super sad to leave Canada behind. Packing up my things here and saying goodbye to family and friends. Getting things organized in storage, returning the rental car (I LOVE driving…) and closing up shop on a great summer.

BUT, I have loving family and friends here and I see them pretty regularly. Sometimes it’s overseas and sometimes its here. How lucky am I to have family and friends who keep in touch often (except you Susie but I love you anyway) and who include me in their travel plans when they are abroad!? I can come home to them anytime because I have a place to stay and a full life here. HOW LUCKY!

So all in all, I’m pretty freaking grateful and I’m happy in all aspects of my life at the moment. I’m thriving and flourishing. I love and I am loved. I am doing what I love to do and I have the means and ability to change that if I need to or grow from here. I really haven’t one damn thing to complain about.

But still…. the clock ticks down to leaving Canada behind for another year.
But still…. the clock ticks up to arriving back to Marrakech for another year.

I need to go do some deep breathing.